I've written many a blog post about my obsessive need to use every coupon I see and my excessive enjoyment of finding good deals. While I'm a far cry from those coupon hunter crazies on TLC or whatever channel it is, it's still an unhealthy habit for my wallet. My latest finds that feed my addiction are Groupon and LivingSocial. Big savings at local places. Well, big mistake. Heed my warning if you are a coupon fiend such as myself.... I avoided joining for many, many weeks, as I feared the inevitable decline of my bank account and increase of purchases. But I am weak. And I gave in.

Day 1 after signing up for their tempting emails I made a purchase. Day 2, I made a purchase. Day 3, I made a purchase. Thankfully, at least, it was only one purchase each day. Thankfully, at least, it was only one purchase from Groupon OR LivingSocial and not both. So anyways, only three days after joining I forced myself to stop opening the emails. It's like a 10-step program. Hopefully... eventually... I will be able to open the emails, look at the plethora of good deals and just say no. But I have to take it in baby steps. Right now the subject line headings with their "deal of the day" mentions are hard enough to handle. I'm proud with each delete I manage. But it's a struggle.... it's difficult to talk about.

This here blog post is a story of one of my Groupon purchases. I bought a facial at over 60% off as a little treat to self. I had never had one before and again, it was a good deal, so I thought why not? Well, I show up yesterday at this "spa" which is really a one-woman show in a tiny space where the lobby-slash-store and one "treatment room" combined are about the size of large closet. The business owner is the only beauty technician, or whatever they're called, and she's also the receptionist, and the seller of beauty items at 20% off. I mean... good for her, owning her own business and running it all. No complaints. Just describing the setting for you here. Recreating. Business must not be doing too poorly, since when I walked in at 6:25 for my 6:30 appointment she asked if I'd mind waiting 5 minutes since she had back-to-back appointments all day and didn't have her lunch yet. Then again, maybe she's so busy from all of her Groupon sales, from which she may actually be losing money (despite the benefit of potentially gaining new clients). When I made this Groupon purchase I was the 250th person to do so... I remember because I was happy that it was a nice, clean number. That's a lot of facials for one woman who works out of a closet.

Anyway, once I'm in the room she's chit-chatting, small talking, asking questions away... way too much energy for a woman who had been working all day through her lunch (maybe her 5 minute lunch was a redbull). I respond with my usual short but polite answers which clearly give off a vibe that says "I'm shy and quiet and prefer not to talk". Vibe is either not recognized or ignored. I feel as though a big part of the job of any beauty technician (still don't know their title), or hairdresser or whatever, should be feeling out how social your clients are and acting accordingly. Nothing's worse than a stylist who relentlessly tries to small talk with someone who's clearly not having it. It's awkward. I generally prefer the awkward silence. But I was perfectly polite and after about 15 minutes fully gave in and catered to her need to talk... asking her questions about the business, appropriate skin care routines and her life. Despite the small space and forced conversation it wasn't completely unrelaxing. There was one of those natural sounds CDs playing in the background so whenever she paused to breathe I got to hear some waves crashing or rainforest bugs chirping. And the chair was heated, which was nice. After a "hot steam rinse" I got about 8 different peels or masks put on my face, all of which she supposedly customized to my skin's needs, accompanied with 8 heated towels and one mediocre arm/hand massage. I had the choice of an extraction or a mini back massage. I chose the extraction since it's more facial-esque. Little did I know choosing between an extraction and a massage is basically choosing between extreme pain or relaxing comfort and of course, I went for the pain. She covered my eyes to protect them from this crazy bright light and then proceeded to injure my face. I have a high pain tolerance but I'm girl enough to admit it hurt. The worst part though, was the bright light. The curse of my blue eyes is how sensitive they are to light. Despite being clenched shut and covered, my eyes were tearing to the point where it looked like I was full-on crying. My self-conscious, prideful self wanted her to know that these were not tears of pain but mentioning that would have been even more lame than if they were tears of pain, so per usual, I kept silent. For the final "calming mask" she left the room for 10 minutes so I could relax. Twas peaceful. At the end she said I may breakout from the facial. Great side effect to a supposed skin cleaning, no?

All in all, worth the full price? Not at all. Worth the Groupon price? Maybeeee. Will I do it again? Probably not. Well, unless I find a coupon.

Tune in soon for my zipline adventure story... yet another Groupon purchase. Luckily I've managed to steer clear of the Escape Getaways. My wallet thanks me.

I was expecting something like this...
candles... quiet... relaxation....

  

But this more accurately depicts how I felt

 

This is a long post. One that jumps around between a couple of topics. One I probably should have edited to make shorter. But I didn't want to go through the hassle of editing this here casual blog of mine. So, instead I left it in its wordy, drawn-own state, added in this introductory paragraph to make it even longer, and all I have to say is bravo to you if you make it to the end. Really wants to make you keep reading right? Drawing the reader in with clever opening lines was always a strength of mine. Cough. Anyways, if you're still with me, here it is...

I'm re-reading one of my favorite novels, The Thirteenth Tale, and this one passage stuck out to me... it's about an author and the stories she has yet to write,

"My study throngs with characters waiting to be written. Imaginary people, anxious for a life, who tug at my sleeve, crying, 'Me next! Go on! My turn!' I have to select. And once I have chosen, the others lie quiet for ten months or a year, until I come to the end of the story, and the clamor starts up again."

I felt an instant connection to this passage because it perfectly describes how I feel about choreography. I have a huge list of songs I have to use, the workings of multiple pieces started in my mind, and the minute one dance is done I'm eager to pick out the next and get started, feeling bad for the other songs and ideas that will have to wait until later. I'm lucky to have such a passion and it's crazy to think that just 6 years ago I had absolutely zero interest in ever attempting choreography and little to no respect for it as an art. I truly believe this is one of the main reasons I was led to Wheaton, to discover this passion of mine... every so often things happen to fall a certain way and a lot of "chance" things lead you to something wonderful you couldn't have expected. Wheaton for me is one of those things... to think of how I ended up there and then what I got out of it... it's nothing short of a blessing.

How I ended up at Wheaton College is a bizarre story, all the more so if you know how much I am into researching and planning things and just how much typically goes into my decision making process. I had a list of 7 schools I was applying to senior year, not to name drop them (but I am anyway) they were Brown, Amherst, Wellesley, Tufts, Vassar, Stonehill and Gordon. I had done all my research... I knew their acceptance rates, average SAT scores, and essentially calculated my odds of getting into each one. In my know-it-all teenage mind I KNEW I would get into 2, had a chance of getting into 3, and probably would not get into the remaining 2, but wanted to try anyway... or in guidance counselor terms I had 2 safeties, 3 matches and 2 reaches. I had visited dozens of colleges, done all my interviews, taken tours, sat in on classes, and again I KNEW these were my top 7 choices. So when my guidance counselor told me I needed to apply to more "safety schools" I was strongly against it. If I KNEW I could get into two of my schools and I KNEW I would choose any one of these seven over any other school, why should I have to apply somewhere else? He was adamant that I choose at least one more school, "to give me more options" he said. KNEW (had to throw in one more all caps "knew"... sorry)


Now, normal Trisha, if forced to pick another option, would have gone through the whole research process again of trying to find her 8th choice... the perfect school for her if options 1-7 didn't work out. But rebellious Trisha (a side which rarely comes out) thought it would be perfectly spiteful if she chose a school at random, as if to say to mr. guidance counselor, "fine, i'll pick another school, but don't think I care which one I choose because I WILL get into at least 2 of my schools, I WILL go to one of those and this "8th choice" will be inconsequential and unnecessary, as I said from day 1". Time for Trisha to stop referring to herself in 3rd person. In reality, he didn't know how I came to the decision of choosing my 8th school, and probably it wouldn't have mattered much to him anyway. But I felt deliciously evil in knowing how I decided and in my mind it was the perfect way to get back at the guidance counselor who forced me to spend the unnecessary $55 on another application. So how did I come to my decision you ask? I picked up one of those top colleges in the northeast guidebooks, opened to a random page (which happened to be Wheaton's), saw its acceptance rate was more in the realm of the schools I knew I would get into rather than a Brown or Amherst, and decided to apply there. Knowing nothing about it. It made me so happy to do this to my guidance counselor without his knowledge that it was almost worth the $55 in my mind (of my mother's money... if it was mine it might have diminished my happiness a bit. But that's irrelevant).

Fast-forward several months and low and behold I get into the two schools I knew I would, plus Wheaton, and waitlisted at two others. Once I actually was accepted at Wheaton I figured it would be just plain irresponsible of me to not at least visit the place and see how it compared in my mind to the other two schools. (Of course, my method of choosing the school wasn't at all irresponsible in the first place). Two second background story... at all of my past college visits it had rained the day I visited... every single one (and remember, I visited dozens) so, by the 14th time or so that it happened I said to myself "if I ever visit a school and it's not raining I will take it as a sign and go there if I'm accepted". Well, no shocker with what happened next. I visit Wheaton and it's a gorgeous, sunny day. Even though researching, planning, calculating and comparing is my way of decision making and I'm often ruled by logic, I allowed my gut to take over and, completely unlike me, I didn't even think about it when I accepted my enrollment to Wheaton, turning down the other two schools. I felt that I was led there, for some unseen reason, and that it was where I was meant to be. Strangely enough I was really comfortable with my choice, even though I knew little about the place, because I took everything as a sign. Yet spiteful me was biting her tongue and did not thank guidance counselor. Didn't want to give him the satisfaction.


Now, I always follow my gut... it leads me throughout my life. While my heart isn't always smart enough, and my head doesn't always care enough, my gut has yet to lead me wrong. It combines my head, my heart and that unknown instinctive quality that I believe is God's guidance to get me what I need, even if it's not always what I want. I'm SO thankful I ended up at Wheaton, as I truly believe it was perfect for me and helped me grow into who I am. Beyond the classes and professors, friends and experiences, one of the best things I found at Wheaton was my passion for choreography. I honestly do not believe I would have found it otherwise.

I have been dancing for a long time, over 20 years now (ugh). In high school I had the opportunity to choreograph, and was greatly encouraged to do so by some of my teachers. But I had zero interest... not a spark... not one miniscule part of me had any desire or curiosity to explore even the possibility of it. I liked dancing. I liked others giving me steps to dance. I did not like the idea of creating movement for myself or others to dance. Period. When I got to college I didn't think I would have much of an opportunity to dance again in my life, beyond possibly some occasional classes, and of course in musical theater, but that's completely different. I didn't think I'd be able to dance in choreographed works. There simply isn't much opportunity once you graduate from a studio unless you join a professional company. Then I found dance company at Wheaton. I had an outlet to dance and I had a dance family. Still, I had no interest in choreography and I did not expect this to change. During my first two years at Wheaton I had the opportunity to work with multiple choreographers, all with different styles, very different than I had ever experienced at home. One day, sophomore year I (quite subconsciously) started visualizing choreography to a musical theater song I was listening to. I didn't know what to make of it. More and more ideas came to me with each listen to the song... I was choreographing without even trying. I decided to follow my gut (again) and push myself to go for it... if I'm ever going to choreograph might as well make it this semi cheesy, fosse-esque musical theater choreography I was visualizing, because, I thought, I could do anything with a musical theater style piece, and it would be much easier than a "real" dance. I worked for something ridiculous like 8 months on the piece before teaching it to the company as a junior. I was proud to have choreographed something, when I never thought I would, even if it was "just a musical theater piece". But I hadn't found my voice yet as a choreographer. Honestly, after that first experience I didn't have a huge desire to try choreographing something else and I had little belief that I would be able to ever do a "real dance". Even now, after having choreographed over a dozen pieces I feel like each time I start a new piece I won't know what I'm doing and I have little confidence that I'll be able to do a "real dance". Now I realize my works are real dances, they're just different. (I always thought of a real dance as like a lyrical jazz, which is actually sort of the style of the piece I just set recently.) I enjoy though that with the start of each new work I still feel like I won't have a clue what I'm doing... it emphasizes to me how there's no formula or set approach to choreographing and the process becomes more organic for me. Where was I going with this? (going back to re-read...) Oh, so I had no desire to choreograph again and little confidence in my ability. Then, junior year I worked with a choreographer who completely inspired me. His approach to choreography was unlike anything I had encountered before... there were no counts, no set tempo from dancer to dancer (dancer's choice!) and he had choreographed the whole thing but hadn't picked out music yet... but his passion for movement was infectious. Beyond his approach, which was new to me, what really inspired me was something he said, something that I now consider to be practically my mantra with choreography. Someone asked him why he decided to become a choreographer and through a huge smile he said "I get to play with movement every day of my life. What could possibly be better?" Those words struck a chord with me. Never before had I thought of choreography as playing with movement. I thought of it as you learn these set steps in your technique class and choreography is just stringing those learned movements together in a different order. Romantic definition there right? Can you tell I was a math major? Never before had I considered the possibility of creating something new or playing. My eyes were suddenly open to a world of possibilities. I said my first piece was heavily Fosse inspired... I had always admired his work but had never really thought about why I admired it. Now I believe it's largely because he wasn't afraid to be different, his moves are both sexy and odd and they have a sort of tongue-in-cheek, quirky humor I am drawn to. So many of these qualities I admire in Fosse's work were relevant to me in a fresh way when I thought about choreography in terms of playing with movement... now when I choreograph I do whatever strikes me, even if it's bizarre and different, I enjoy quirky movements that play off of literal interpretations of lyrics and I try not to limit myself to conventional dance steps learned in class. I found my voice and my inspiration, guided by the choreographer's words "play with movement". Such a simple idea, yet it completely turned my perspective upside down, or rather, right side up.

Since then I have been unable to stop creating choreography. Thoughts constantly swim in my mind for bits of movement and new works to set. And while it's possible I could have stumbled upon this passion of mine at some other point in my life and in some other way, I'm not so sure I would have... like I said, I was certain upon entering Wheaton that I wouldn't dance again. And if I didn't dance again, in this traditional way as I'm referring to it, outside of musical theater, why would I have ever been inspired to choreograph? I believe in my heart that dance company at Wheaton, and the choreographers and different styles I was exposed to there (and one choreographer's words in particular) are the reason I found this passion of mine. It makes you wonder what other passions of yours may be out there, yet undiscovered. Here's a shameless invite to check out some of my choreography here.


And as a random conclusion to this essay length blog of mine, if you haven't read The Thirteenth Tale and you enjoy reading, go read it now. I love a lot of books but very few are memorable and this is one that still creeps into my thoughts years after having read it, necessitating multiple re-reads. That's all.

Random pic, just because.

Since the world is ending tomorrow I thought I'd write one final blog post. A somber farewell. Although I'm sick of the topic, I can't help but jump on the bandwagon (a trite expression I hate but find myself using, then criticizing myself afterward for doing so). Yes, everyone's favorite hobby of the week seems to be making fun of this grand announcement, so I might as well jump aboard (gahh, trite expression #2 already). If you've been hiding under a rock (#3), perhaps you don't know that tomorrow is the beginning of the end. They say 3% of the world's population will die tomorrow and in 5 months time everyone will  be gone. So while you may make it to Memorial Day or July 4th, you might as well cancel any Thanksgiving or Christmas plans. Say your goodbyes and your love yous now because Judgment Day has arrived. Needless to say, tomorrow I will not be waiting for the end of it all, nor will I be celebrating at a "Judgment Day party" to mock the whole thing and have an excuse to drink. Twill be just another day. Sorry to be so boring.

I was driving in to work on Tuesday morning when I first saw the infamous billboard which I now can't avoid seeing 12+ times a day. You know the one... unless you're still hiding under that rock of yours.

At first I thought it was just a very odd plug for familyradio.com but soon the news spread like wildfire (trite expression #4... let's see how many I can rack up (#5?)). That's right, there's actually a group out there who thinks the world is ending tomorrow. And we would be foolish not to believe them, right? Who am I kidding... in today's society we're skeptical of things that are all but fact, so of course no one will believe them. Who is this "them" you ask? "Them" equals Harold Camping and his Project Caravan followers who spent a bunch of money on billboards to spread across the country, because after all... the world's ending tomorrow so might as well spend all that money now. I'll admit, after I first saw the billboard I checked the weather report for Saturday to see if there would be any signs of an earth shattering storm. When I saw that it would just be the usual rain we've had all week, I felt instant relief that the world would not be coming to an end, thank goodness. It got me thinking though... about how it all could end... the ways we fear it happening... what could happen the day after tomorrow? Shoot! That would have been a great line had I written this yesterday. Anyway...

Sure it's possible we could just get a ton of rain again like THE flood circa 4990 B.C... seems all the more plausible after this week. But over time we have dreamed up a lot of ways it could end. Everyone loves a good apocalypse movie. It could be aliens, a black hole, meteor or gamma ray burst from space. In the Bible it DOES say Jesus' return will take place in the sky... though I always pictured this as more of a supernatural experience than something like a meteor. Although, aliens are supernatural... but you know what I mean. Hopefully if it were aliens they would land their UFOs first and come out of their ships, thereby giving us the chance to attack them (as is so often seen in alien movies) rather than simply attacking us all from the sky first and getting it over with. Let us pretend we have a chance. I'm pretty sure we could detect most of these space related finales with satellites and jazz first (though what do I really know on the subject?). So unless this Camping fellow has a high-tech satellite and sees this stuff coming in (or NASA for that matter), I don't think this is how it will all play out. Next!

Look at this fun coloring page I found.
Have your kids color in the aliens shooting laser
beams through people and ending the world. What fun!

Perhaps it wouldn't be something from the sky, but rather something from the earth that ends us all. This string of recent earthquakes and tsunamis are certainly frightening and everyone is up in arms (#6? I lost track) over global warming. Something like this in a grand scale is conceivable. I've always been slightly terrified at the prospect of one of those super volcanoes erupting and disrupting the climate enough to kill all life on Earth. Maybe it will be a wide spread infection. Those like to pop up too. Swine flu, bird flu anyone? Maybe robots really will take over and our own technology will destroy us all. Or perhaps it will be a nuclear war. I still think the only way 3% of the world's population will die tomorrow is if this Camping figure pulls some sort of heinous attack so that no one can call him a liar. It's not really something to joke about. Part of me is worried that his followers may end up pulling something like the Heaven's Gate Hale-Boppers of 1997 who were convinced the world was ending. As I said, not really something to joke about. I don't go around preaching my beliefs, but I am a Christian. I do believe Christ is coming again... just not tomorrow. Insert bible passage Matthew 24:36 here.

Let's face the facts... every prediction of the earth's end thus far has failed. And there have been plenty. I may have fed into them a bit more when I was younger (during the Y2K scare I was a skeptical but slightly paranoid teenager who thought there was at least the possibility of a mass blackout, if not the end of the world), but now it's just silly to think you can predict these things. I'll live tomorrow like a normal day and yes, I'll be seeing you all December 22, 2012 as well. But if you'd rather prepare for the next famine/environmental collapse/solar flare/bombing/magnetic pole reversal be my guest and stock up on food and water, sport your facemasks and hope it will save you in the end. You never know.

It's already happened. I can't believe I'm at the point already where I forget how old I am. The past few times someone has asked me I've had to pause, think "1986" and mentally subtract from 2011 to tell them I'm 24. Quite a difference from my younger years where I could instantly spit out "I'm 11 years, 7 months old". I know I'm still young and therefore you're probably chuckling that I used the phrase "younger years". But as I'm approaching my quarter-century mark this July I've been reflecting more and more on how different I am now than I was. Sure, my personality and interests have remained primarily the same though they've evolved somewhat, as they do over time with everyone as they experience more in life. But I'm pretty sure I'll always be fairly quiet, curious & nerdy and have a soft spot for musical theater. The big difference is in my maturity and outlook on life. I feel like an entirely different person.

When I was young, even as early as elementary school, I remember feeling like I was mentally and emotionally mature for my age. I didn't have much interest in "play time" and I remember "not getting" how to play make believe type games or understanding why it was supposed to be fun. I don't think that's really a maturity thing... I think I was just odd (another thing that never really changed), but I remember feeling like I was more mature. Shift forward a few years to middle and high school and I remember REALLY feeling more mature. I didn't understand why people would be mean to each other, or try to act cool to fit in. I didn't find what most of my peers found funny amusing. And I thought to myself, when adults say "teenagers think they know everything and think they are mature enough to deal with anything", that I was an exception to their statement, because while I may not have known everything, I was still beyond my years in terms of emotional and mental maturity. I felt like I thought like an adult, assessed things like an adult, handled emotions like an adult. In no way was I "inferior" and I expected adults to think of me this way and treat me this way. I laugh at all of this now because it's probably what every teenager feels like. In some ways I do think I was more mature than my peers, but I was still an angst-ridden teenager.

I still remember the first time I felt a disconnect with people younger than me. Not children... I've never been much of a children person, even when I was one. I don't know how to act around kids and basically freak out if I'm around too many at once. No, I'm referring to teenagers, middle & high school age. I was just out of college and whenever I saw a group of teens walking around I felt a very strange disconnect. I'd look at them and smile to myself, thinking about how silly teenage years are, and then it suddenly hit me that I now felt like I fit in more with "adult adults" than teenagers. It was an odd, odd feeling and probably the first time I truly felt like a real adult. However, it's been in the past two years or so that I really started to feel like I'm different from who I was. That I have a firm grasp on who I am, what I believe, what I want and what I stand for. It's strange to think about because like I said before, throughout my whole life I've always felt like a mature, introspective person, but now its different. I can't pinpoint it or describe it well, but I'm grown up.

Just the other day I went through my poetry journal, poems I wrote from age 13 on. Poems that my mother read at the time that led her to believe I was going to commit suicide, to which I laughed as I said "they're just poems!" when really on the inside I knew I was showing them to her to tell her how much I was hurting. As I sat there and read these heart-wrenching words all I could think about was how far I've come and how much I wish I could go back and tell my teenage self that it would all be okay. I don't discredit what I felt at the time. I went through something awful that I dealt with in the best way I could... letting it out in words and through dance. I think about how scared I was and pessimistic; how cruel I thought life was and how all of that gave me the strength and growth to be at where I am now, a complete reversal. Now I am incredibly optimistic and hopeful, excited for the future and everything I have yet to learn and experience. I feel like life is sort of like constantly growing up... there's always more to discover... about yourself, about others and about the world. This sort of turned into a cheesy message on personal growth. I apologize. I'm not sure what my intention was when I first started writing or what I was hoping to say. Certainly not bore you with a self-indulgent story on growing up. I thought it was curious though that my poetry book stopped at the age of 19. Half of this 2 inch thick journal was filled with poems from age 13-19, but not one from before I was teen and not one after. It's not like I made the conscious decision to stop when I was 20; I just did not find myself writing poetry anymore. It's sort of like poetry was meant to help me through my teenage years and then at that point it had served its purpose. Now that is cheesy.

I'm not sure I want to publish this post. It's kind of a mental free-write for me versus my usual re-read and re-work pattern of writing in an attempt to make things funny and/or insightful. I guess I'll post it anyway, at least it's real. I'll probably delete it later.

I'm a far cry from a shopaholic. I frequent the mall maybe 5 times a year and usually it's with a specific purchase in mind. Either that or I'll be going there to see a movie and have some time to kill so I pop into some stores. But shopping just to browse, see what catches my eye and spend freely? Almost never. For one, I'm a guilty purchaser. If I spend too much money I immediately feel guilty. This is why I almost always have a planned purchase in mind before going to stores. I feel as though planning out the spending of my money dissimulates my guilt a bit. (No idea if I used "dissimulates" correctly, but it's the word that came to mind so I'm sticking to my instinct). All of this "non shopaholic" jazz doesn't mean, however, that I do not occasionally like to splurge. I'm just a very methodical splurger.

Yes, every so often I will become mildly... obsessed with something, for lack of a better word. Mostly, it's just a couple of obsessions that get recycled over time. They go from something I need to have, to something I kind of forget about once I have it, and then a few months/years down the road I'll need to have more again. My favorites tend to be book, dvd or beauty product related. But if I'm craving new books to read I will not just run out to Borders, browse for a few minutes and pick something up. As I said before, I'm a guilty spender. I need to draw out the process as long as possible in order to dissimulate my guilt (there's that word again) and get the most satisfaction out of my purchase. Even if it is only $6 on a new book.

Let's explain my typical process. I will usually go to Amazon.com and begin browsing (or Sephora.com or etsy.com or even nuts.com haha...depending on what particular product it is that I'm craving). This browsing becomes addictive and quite time consuming. I read reviews for multiple items of whatever it is I'm craving and form a wish list. I allow myself to compile said wish list over several weeks of browsing. By the time it's all said and done I have a wishlist of anywhere from 8 to 50 items. The next few weeks are spent re-reading the information for what I have already deemed to be the best of the best. I need to whittle it down to just one or two items that I will actually get. Then, after the long decision making process is finally done with I buy that item online with complete confidence that I bought THE best of whatever it was I was looking for. I never go and find the item in a store because I find that the waiting each day for the package to arrive only further increases my excitement and anticipation. Then the day finally comes, after what is typically months of planning... it arrives. The excitement continues as I open it up and is usually maintained during the product's first usage. Then it dies down considerably. But the thrill of the purchase typically outshines the guilt when I go about it all in this long, drawn-out fashion.

I'm right in the middle of three obsessions. That is too many at one time for me. Thankfully, one has (mostly) come to a close, because I've pretty much exhausted my purchasing potential in this category. I'll start with that one. Lately I have discovered Hayao Miyazaki's films. If you are unfamiliar, he's often referred to as the Japanese Walt Disney although this comparison is far off. The folks over at Pixar think of this man as a God and his films, as a whole, I believe are much more geared towards adults than children. There's no cliche jokes, usually no clear villian, sometimes not even much of a plot and the characters never break into song, but I saw one of his movies and was hooked in. I HAD to see more of his films. Per my typical purchasing method, I began to look up his films. Disney got the rights to sell his movies in the U.S. When I saw that he only had ten films, one of which I already owned, I knew I was in trouble. There would be no way of getting around me ordering them all. I knew that. If he had 80 films I could have restrained myself and picked out one or two (okay, or three) to purchase, but the fact that there was such a limited number of them... my wallet was going to hate me. I still went through the process of researching each of the movies, including reading several ranked lists, critic's reviews, regular people American reviews, regular people Japanese reviews, trailer viewings etc.. But in the end I did as I knew I would, went and purchased them all. That's why I can say I'm in the clear with future purchases around this obsession. I bought all of his movies. However, there are new movies to be made and several more which he has had a part in, even if he didn't write and direct them all. I shouldn't say I'm safe yet. I'm still awaiting the arrival of 8 of these movies and the anticipation is ever increasing as I'm learning how long it takes disney movie club to ship these things out. At the rate they're going I wouldn't be surprised if they're coming over directly from Japan. Either that or Disney is "being nice" and trying to prolong the process because they know the anticipation is 90% of the pleasure.

I couldn't resist adding this image which features a (still life animation hah) image
of Miyazaki as well as characters and creatures from 7 of his movies.

One of my other obsessions are these wonderful handmade soups by DeShawn Marie. With so many different scent combinations to choose from, it's hard to pick what my next order will be. You can bet I've read through each description multiple times and carefully picked out each one to buy. I really wish I knew how to draw out my happiness from these purchases though. While I do LOVE the soaps I find myself wanting to try out all of the "flavors" as quickly as possible. As a result, I'll open up a package, use it one day in the shower, have that initial excitement of it being something new, and then, instead of wanting to finish up that soap before moving on to the next one, the next day I'll want to open up another one!  (Note that I've only actually done that once. I am usually able to contain myself and wait.) Seriously though, these soaps are so divine that I bought them twice as gifts for people, and both times the thought of giving them away nearly killed me. One of those two times I admit I kept the soaps for myself and gifted something else. Unhealthy obsession.

Yum... I'm addicted to these soaps

My third recent obsession is a more healthy one. Depending on how you look at it. Lately, out of nowhere, I've been craving exercise DVDs. I don't even typically work out. Meaning never. But back in high school I had one dance-ish cardio VHS (yes VHS) that I loved. Something recently rekindled my interest in this and let me tell you, this is THE MOST time consuming addiction of them all. I have different dvd wishlists on amazon all geared to specific exercises: there's a list of cardio dvds, stretching dvds, strength training dvds, yoga dvds, dance inspired dvds, pilates dvds, exercise ball dvds... you name it. So far I've given in and bought 5 of them. That's just so far. I know future purchases will be made. But guess what? I actually use them. I have no idea where this sudden interest came from. I think it's because I have a lot more time on my hands now and I don't know what to do with myself.

Me exercising to a workout dvd... if I were brunette and several shades more tan (tanner?)
Change those two things and insert an image of my dog jumping around my
feet annoying me while I try to workout and this picture is pretty accurate.

I think I'm mostly safe so long as my obsessions stay in the realm of dvds, books and soaps. If I ever have a dire need to collect cars or classic artwork I may be in trouble. But you'll be sure that I have done my research and only bought the best there is! Maybe I am a shopaholic... just a different breed. My obsessive, planning type may be more dangerous to wallets than my spontaneous, impulsive counterparts.

I have an obsessive need to use every coupon I receive. This is not good. But, you may say to me, you're saving money! So what's the issue? There are several issues. Time for a (semi, not really) brief list of said issues. I've bolded the key points for easy reference, not that it's really beneficial, or that you particularly care:

1. I typically end up spending more than I'm saving. Yes, I get some good deals, but me receiving a coupon means me buying something I most likely wouldn't have bought without said coupon. Example: Trisha gets coupon for $10 off a purchase at a Nike outlet. Does Trisha need new sneakers? (No) Does Trisha even like Nike products? (Not particularly) Will Trisha still go to the store and buy an $80 pair of sneakers for $70 just to use the coupon? (Of course)
   
   CVS is another good example. You know how you get those coupons at the bottom of your receipt for say, $2 off a pack of brand XYZ sleep-aids or buy-one-bottle-of-wrinkle-remedy-get-one-free? You can bet I buy every single one of those items, most of which end up in a random drawer at home... because really, how much of that junk do you need? Yet I can't resist the incentive of savings! But, you never know, maybe someday I'll decide to go back to taking Flintstone vitamins or a young cousin will stay over and it will be my chance to teach them about healthy habits... and I saved money, so the purchase can be justified, right? Of course, I get these coupons every time I visit CVS so each visit ultimately leads to just another one. Vicious cycle of unnecessary spending.
   
   
2. Going hand in hand with issue number 1 is that you usually have to spend X dollars to use the coupon or rack up say, 10 purchases at a store to get $20 off your next one. Both cases lead me to spend more than I have to. Instead of buying just one item I may actually want or need, I have to buy four to get the discount. Great example here is this deli I've been frequenting in between work and rehearsals during the week to kill time (and have some dinner). Now, I work in one of the richest, most expensive counties in the country. Things here are far from inexpensive. A regular old sandwich at this little mom and pop deli could easily cost me more than $10. After every purchase they give you a green slip of paper with their logo on it. Turn in 15 of these and get a free sandwich. I've gone there every day, determined to earn 15 of these said coupons just to be sure that I get a free sandwich for my loyalty. It's to the point where I'm sick of sandwiches. To be honest, I'm looking forward to the day that I finally get my free slices of bread and meat just so that I don't have to go there anymore. That's right, I said "have to", because going there is basically a necessity until I earn my well deserved free meal. At the end of the day I'll end up having spent at least $150 on 10 sandwiches just to get one for free that probably would have cost $2 to make on my own. But I need that free sandwich.
   
   
3. While coupons typically offer a good deal for whatever the particular store is, quite often similar products are available full price at other stores for cheaper than the coupon's discount offers me. Make sense? Best example I can give here is Borders. At least twice a week I get emails with coupons for 33% off any one item, or 20% off all paperbacks. Amazon.com's average savings (sans coupon) is something like 45% from the listed price. Almost all of the time it's cheaper to order books regular price from Amazon than to buy them at Borders, using the best coupons Borders offers. If it's not cheaper at Amazon then it's at least the same cost. I don't think I've ever once gotten a better price at Borders than at Amazon. Yet I get those bi-weekly Borders deals and HAVE to use them. It must be psychological with the savings. Well nice marketing campaign on their end, because I can't even tell you how many books I've bought at Borders in the past month alone. It seems every weekend I'm going there because I have another coupon it will kill me not to use.
   
   Another word about that psychological savings thing... it really is a smart way for businesses to get customers in their store. Their regular price items could be as high as they want but so long as there's a discount offered, people will buy what they're selling. There's an Indian restaurant I go to whose prices are quite higher than average for the area. However, when they bring you the check the waiter always says "I gave you an extra 10% discount". Every time, without fail. So really, their ultimate costs are probably on par with other Indian restaurants in the area, or possibly still more expensive. But this "automatic 10% discount" makes me feel special and keeps me coming back. It's an obvious trick, but a smart one that I completely fall for. Honestly, I'm encouraged to return just to reward them for their clever business scheme.
   
   
4.  Final issue with these coupons is that it's usually the same stores I receive coupons to over and over and as a result, I end up shopping there on a fairly continuous basis. I already mentioned Borders, a.k.a the reason why I need to purchase a new bookshelf due to my overload of books that keep coming in weekly. I must say they are the primary culprit. However, Express gives them a run for their money. (Pardon the trite expression). Now I love Express, but to me it's a "treat store". Its prices are higher than I can realistically afford if I'm shopping there to fill my wardrobe because I'm basically poor. I'm really a $30 or under for pants and $20 or under for tops type of shopper and Express' average ticket price is closer to $80. Needless to say, I only shop there when I'm depressed and looking to splurge (retail therapy) or if I can get a really good deal with a combination of sale prices and coupons. They like to send me $30 off $75 or $50 off $150 type of coupons. They like to send them to me a lot more often than I prefer to receive them. Because once it's received, within a day or two it is spent. I don't often buy new clothes for myself so this type of deal is okay with me, except when it happens more than once a month... and it's still difficult for me, who is usually a discount/bargain clothes shopper, to walk out of the store having spent $100 on only three items, despite the $50 off I received. Just last weekend I went to the store to make some big purchases using one of their coupons and what happened? Two days later I got an email for $30 off $75. Even though I just went to the store and spent over $100, I promptly went online and ordered some of the other things I had wanted, but didn't buy. If they sent me a coupon daily you could bet I'd probably own the store's entire collection within a relatively short time frame.
   
   
5. Okay, I lied about that being the final issue. While typing issue #4 I thought up issue #5. Usually the coupons you receive regularly are all for expensive stores. This is really kind of a combo of issues #3 and #4, but let's ignore that fact. I've mentioned Borders, I've mentioned Express, both of which have somewhat higher than standard ticket prices... depending on your definition of standard. For someone like me (read, very little to no discretionary income), standard = discount-ish places a la Walmart or Forever 21. Sephora is another place that sends me coupon codes on a regular basis. Do I really need another $30 eyeshadow? The overflowing makeup bins at my house will tell you no. But I'll buy it if Sephora's offering a bonus-size free item with any $50 purchase. (Then of course after the $30 eyeshadow I have to spend another $20 to reach $50 and in reality, an additional $25 on top of that in order to get free shipping because I refuse to pay shipping for anything).

Why do I do it? Why do I keep buying things I don't need, from expensive stores, just because they say "shop here between these three days and we'll give you 20% off your purchase"? It's completely psychological. Even if you don't immediately need something you purchase, discounts = spending more now to possibly save more later = being a smart shopper = little pat on the back to self + new stuff! And what's wrong with that equation?! It's like a little treat to yourself (fun new stuff!) that makes you feel good about spending money (because you saved money too!). It's indulgent without being overly indulgent. Who doesn't fantasize about getting luxurious new items? If you're offered a discount, it's a perfect excuse to go ahead and make that purchase you dream of! So what if the "luxurious" item is a new book or a fairly common pair of jeans? If you wouldn't buy it full price any other day, it's a luxurious item in my mind. Hence that exercise dvd suddenly has this feeling of luxury. It may be completely ridiculous, wasteful and result in some degree of "spending guilt", but I don't see my coupon obsession ending anytime soon. And ultimately, I'm okay with that. We all deserve a little treat from time to time... or bi-weekly :-) and you might as well feel thrifty while indulging, even if your savings aren't really so great. Justifiable or completely illogical?... don't answer that.


Do I need new fabrics? Not at all. Will I find a use for them
if I buy them? Probably not. Will I buy some anyway?
Most likely. Who can resist those colorful swatches!?! 
(Or that lovely 10% off sign?)

So it's been roughly 4 months since I've updated my sad little blog here. The reason is not from a lack of ideas... (at one point I had a written out a list of 6 or so blog topics I wanted to sit down and write... of course, now they all escape me... my memory is slowly dying away at age 24, although it was never that strong to begin with, while my ingenuity and motivation comes and goes in random outbursts). I can't blame my lack of writing on being too terribly busy either. I have been busy, but I've always been busy... it can't be an excuse now if it never was one before. I'm going to stop discussing why I haven't written. Just like that. Done.

Today's topic goes back to my old school style blogs. My more recent blogs have dealt with my ponderings on life, random ideas I dream up, bizarre lists I create, etc..  But back in the day I was not so philosophical, and I was arguably, less random. My blog posts were simply stories of what happened in my life, sort of like a humorous diary shared for the reading pleasures of the world (or just me, foolishly narcissistic in the belief that others rushed to read about my life). Today's post is simple... a story about something small and insignificant that happened to me that I found rather amusing.

So, on a recent weekend I went up to Mass. with my boyfriend to choreograph. The hotel we stayed at was no Ritz Carlton, but it had a decent enough pool slash hot-tub area that we were lounging around in. This hotel also had a couple of meeting/event type rooms, a ballroom, and the like for weddings, conferences and other such social occasions. Well, we had noticed during this weekend stay that there was some type of event or reception going on for an Orthodox Jewish group. It was kind of a difficult thing to miss. While we were in the pool area (switching between the hot tub and the pool so as to avoid the groups of children) we saw the whole Jewish group start to convene in one of the hotel's big event rooms. All of a sudden, around the corner, through the traditionally dressed sea of Jewish men, women and children, comes a man decked out in the full on Scottish garb.

That's right. Full on Scottish garb. He was carrying a bagpipe of course. Did we miss something? Did this Jewish group hire a Scottish bagpipe player? That somehow strikes us as odd, but what do we know? We're not Jewish. I suppose it's entirely possible Scottish bagpipe players are part of their customary traditions, however incredibly unlikely it may seem. (Just kidding?) Or maybe they just wanted to let loose with a little Celtic music. (Just kidding again?) We look with curiosity.

Scottish man starts playing his bagpipe. Then he starts walking around the pool, playing his bagpipe. Even the crazy pool children stopped splashing. It was just too bizarre to do anything but stand there and watch. Many of the hotel's rooms had sliding doors that opened directly to the pool area. These said doors opened in rapid succession at the bagpiper's first few notes. It was difficult to tell if people were more a) confused, b) angry at the noise or c) pleasantly surprised by the evening's entertainment. One man pulled out his cell phone... I thought he was calling someone to complain, but Vinny thought he was calling his wife. I think Vinny's guess was closer because sure enough the guy held out his phone for whoever was on the other end to listen and enjoy. He pulled up a lounge chair and sat outside his room. I'm still watching the Jewish clan entering the room, trying to notice if any of them are finding the music bizarre or, on the other side, if they're waiting for him to enter the room. But they seem to pay him no mind and as for the Scottish dude, he stuck firmly to the pool area.

Vinny got up to get his camera just as the guy stopped playing. I watched bagpipe and player round the corner and disappear. I should have followed. All I can say is I'm fairly certain that he was not hired by the Jewish party. Maybe one of the other halls was rented for a Scottish wedding and he was tuning up around the pool? Good acoustics? Maybe he was just a tourist with an unusual hobby who thought no one would question him if he wore a strange outfit? Whatever his purpose, it was amusingly out of the ordinary and rather fun to observe.

 

This was the closest image I could find of a bagpipe player near a pool, and a possible lake background is hardly a pool. Just goes to show how rare a bagpipe player near a pool is. I attempted searching jewish bagpipe player first but there were no results.

Little things that make me extraordinarily happy:

• When I get new messages in my email inbox. Even if 99% of it is spam... or bill payment requests... I still love that initial rush of excitement when next to my little yahoo avatar is the note that I have new messages. You never know what those messages may be. I'm one of many people who obsessively check their email, multiple times each day. It's always delightful to have a new message greet me. And yes, it gives me satisfaction to check the little boxes next to the irrelevant messages I don't want to read and delete them away!

• I still get backstage.com audition notifications (for free!) even though I canceled my account over 8 months ago. I've checked this over with them multiple times. Each time they assure me that my account was canceled last fall and that I'll stop receiving the emails in a matter of days. I continue to get at least 5 e-mails a week from them. The information I'm getting should cost me $16.25 per month.  They've never charged me and I've never paid them a penny. I'm going to stop complaining to them :-)
  
  
• Getting a new book. I was never a "non-reader" who hated books, but I really got into reading just a few years ago. You might say I'm one of the many who started reading due to Harry Potter. Now, few things make me happier than getting a new book (or a well priced used one from amazon) to add to my collection. I'm often guilty of reading several books at once-- right now I'm in the middle of 4. I just love reading new stories or learning something new... it's rather difficult to not get swept up by it all.
  

 I couldn't resist this image because not only is it a pile of books...
but they're all orange.

Nor could I resist this image, because it's so cheesy and predictable. 
"I love books!"... awww

• When I'm outside and can actually smell flowers. Fake floral scents, like in perfumes or candles, are probably my least favorite of all scents (vs. woody, oriental, fresh, fruity, blah blah blah). But when I'm walking outside and suddenly pick up the scent of actual flowers I am always urged to stop and linger. It's simply delightful!
  

 I may not literally stop, drop and... crouch to smell the flowers 

like this shirtless child, but I enjoy their scent nonetheless

• When things work out perfectly. I'm a far cry from being OCD. I'm fairly messy and disorganized with my things. My alphabetized within category DVD collection is probably the only organized thing in my home. And yet, there is this definite OCD side of me that gets really excited when, say, the train stops so that I am directly in the middle of a door, or if when driving to an appointment I pull into the parking lot exactly on time, not one minute late or early. Aren't moments like this fantastic?!
  
  
• When I can find some sort of "mathematical significance" for something... either number or pattern related. This is related to the whole "things working out perfectly" ordeal. Simply a subcategory because the examples above are more obvious... these ones here only a legit number nerd like me would ever pay attention to or care about. I love it if a book is exactly 400 pages or a movie is exactly 2 hours. Or if I notice that there's exactly twice as many men as women in the car of my train one morning. I often do nerdy things that involve counting and grouping. I sometimes spend a while trying to force a pattern out of things and make them end up perfectly. Take, for example, the number of each color M&M in a bag... if there's an equal number of each color that would be a momentous, celebratory occasion indeed! Other (more likely) scenarios can make me really happy as well... like if there's an even number of each color, or if I can execute a particular color pattern without having any left over... I could easily spend 10 minutes with a bag of these chocolate candies, counting and grouping them in various ways, before any would get eaten. Now take into consideration all the ways I could count and group cars in a parking lot, the shelves of makeup in a store... the more patterns I can find in something, the happier I get. Perhaps I shouldn't have confessed to this...
  

My patterns can get rather elaborate...

• Getting my favorite drink at Starbucks, which I discovered when given the wrong drink one day (I then greedily kept it rather than returning... who got the white chocolate mocha with a shot of espresso that I did order, I'll never know). Growing up I was one of those "only snobs go to Starbucks" types who criticized it for being more expensive and trying too hard. (Did it make me a snob to think of Starbucks this way?) Now I think of it as an expensive treat, partially because of how I felt as a child. Even if I go there more often than Dunkin Donuts... it's set in my mind that Starbucks is a luxury item. So besides the tasty beverage and boost of caffeine, some of the happiness brought upon by my Starbucks drink is that I feel like I'm pampering myself. And who doesn't love pampering?

Even their little marketing message here screams luxury, pampering, treat...

• Discovering a new music artist whether it's through Pandora, categorical searches on CDBaby or reading reviews on Amazon, every so often I come across an artist who I simply fall in love with. It's always refreshing to find something new (or not so new, but new to me) with a unique sound.

As a concluding, random note... something that should make me happy but never does is treating myself to buying something. Retail therapy has the reverse effect on me... if I get new clothes (or shoes, or a book, or a dvd) instead of being pleased with my new items I always feel guilty for spending the money. Even if it's a great deal, even it's something I really need vs. just want. There's always the guilt. I'm terrific at spending money, which is why I'm so bad at it. That is all.

So, latest random thing that got me thinking? Fairy tales. Don't worry, there's no sappy, fluffy-fuzzy talk about happy endings with a side of glitter here. If anything it's the opposite. I started to think about the types of lessons these "innocent" stories really give to kids. The more I thought about it, the more twisted I thought these stories were. You might as well skip the fairy tales and just read your kids the latest tabloid with Lindsay Lohan on the cover. Every single story I thought of had some sort of inappropriate lesson or terrifying statement about the world we live in. Here are some of the common themes I found (once again, I've turned my random thoughts into a sort of categorized drawn-out essay... making sense of nonsense). Anyways....

1) It's okay to treat badly those who treat you well. Not only is it okay, you will be rewarded for it.

First example here is The Frog Prince. The frog helps out the princess by fetching her fabulous golden ball she simply couldn't live without. What does she do next? She lies to him, breaking her promise to befriend him, and leaves him (quite literally) in the dirt. If that's not enough, when the frog shows up and kindly reminds her of her promise, she repeatedly is rude to him, turns him away and refuses. The story we all know ends with her kissing the frog and wha-zam!, he's a prince. Allow me to share the actual, original ending.... princess throws frog against the wall and when he hits it (wha-zam!) he turns into a prince. In some versions she instead attempts to be-head him or burn his skin. Lovely, right? Pretty gosh darn close to a kiss. All this violence and lies and what's her punishment? A handsome prince and happily ever after! Great lesson there.

That's right, try to kill that frog. The more violent and malicious you are,
the more handsome he'll end up!

Next example, Jack and the Beanstalk. Jack climbs up the beanstalk and runs into giant's wife. She not only warns Jack to steer clear of her husband (rather than attend to her wifely duties of providing her giant-husband dinner), but when Jack stupidly ignores her warnings and asks to be fed she obliges. She feeds the boy a nice meal before sending him on his way. She feeds him on his next visit too. How does Jack repay her for her kindness? By stealing their gold, their hen who shoots out golden eggs, and their magical harp thing. Naturally, Jack ends up rich and happy while the kind giantess and her husband are killed. By Jack none-the-less. Because the only thing to do if someone catches you stealing is kill them. Of course. Jack the protagonist hero is really Jack the thief and murderer.

Jack's mother is praising him for being a good little thief

This leads me to sub point, 1a. It's a sub point because it's not really a cohesive, separate thought and I'm trying to cover for my lack of ingenuity by hiding it within point #1 rather than separating it out on its own. Of course, mentioning my intention like that completely counteracts it. Regardless,

1a) It's fine to steal from or mislead someone if that someone is ugly or you simply don't like them.
Both The Frog Prince and Jack and the Beanstalk work here too. Princess thinks frog is heinous so she treats him like crap. Jack steals from Giant for no reason other than he's big and ugly and has nice things. (He wants to eat him too, but I doubt Jack's purpose in stealing was revenge on the Giant who has yet to even see him... It's an established practice to side-step points that contradict one's argument. If other people can do it, I can too. So from now on, expect me to ignore contradictory points instead of offering a side note in parentheses.)

Another good case-in-point here is The Emperor's New Clothes. These swindler folk demand insane payment and more expensive gold thread than they could ever use (because they use none) for making the King a bunch of nothing. Yet they're the clever ones in the story... the closest thing to the "good guys" that this story has. They steal from the King and make a complete fool out of him. But it's okay because the King is vain and all vain people deserve to be taken advantage of. At the best what they're doing is teaching the King a lesson, but is even that a lesson we want to teach to kids? That it's okay to steal or humiliate someone so long as they deserve it? Probably not. Okay, back to full fledged, important enough to be bold, points.

2) If you take someone's food you could literally die.... or have your baby stolen.
Some people are protective of their food. When I was younger I knew not to take one of my brother's french fries or I'd risk being attacked. And god forbid I get the piece of the cake with the flower on it. If I eat someone else's left-overs in my house I may be ignored for the rest of the week until I decide to go to the same restaurant, order them the same meal and hand it to them as a peace offering. But all of that is nothing compared to what happens in a fairy tale if you take someone's food. Seriously, I'm surprised children ever try to sneak a grape at the grocery store after hearing these stories.

Goldilocks eats some porridge. (She also breaks and enters... and vandalizes a chair. Ignore that part of it.) Goldilocks eats some porridge. Next thing she knows she's facing three bears ready to tear her apart. She's so scared she jumps out the window... we never really learn if she lands safely or not. Allow me to share a direct quote from the original story, simply because it's too humorous to not share. This is legit, I didn't make this up. "Out Goldilocks jumped; and whether she broke her neck in the fall; or ran into the wood and was lost there; or found her way out of the wood, and was taken up by the constable and sent to the House of Correction for a vagrant as she was, I cannot tell." Anyway you look at it, Goldilocks paid for eating that porridge. And there's a good chance it cost her her life.

 
Goldilocks dead from a bowl of porridge?

Next case in point, Hansel and Gretel. Yes, they were starving, yes it was actually someone's house they were eating (a slightly more criminal offense), and yes, it was the house of an evil witch who put it there to lure them, but still, these two kids were tortured. One was starved, the other over-fed, and both were nearly burned alive and eaten... all for consuming some of this witch's house. No sympathy for the starving?

In Rapunzel the pregnant woman (more commonly referred to as Rapunzel's birth-mother) wants some of her neighbor's radishes. So her husband, loving and doting as he is to his wife's pregnant cravings, goes and gets some for her. Neighbor turns out to be a witch (surprise!), finds out about the radishes and demands that they give her their child once it's born. I don't think this was the main lesson in Rapunzel, but because of this story I was terrified growing up to even look at my neighbor's garden. Don't take someone's food or they will take your baby. Clearly an equal exchange.

3) Do good things for others only if you will get something in return. 
One story here we already touched upon. In The Frog Prince the frog will not simply help out the princess by going for a swim and getting her her gold ball. Before jumping to her assistance (ba dah ching!), he asks her "what will you give me in return?". It's a little bribe action going on here. Sure, I'll help you out... but only if you help me out.... Rumpelstiltskin feels bad for the miller's daughter who can't weave straw into gold. But he won't just use his magic to weave it for her and save her life. No, she'll die unless she gives him something. So she offers some trinkets which appease him for awhile. But, in the end he's not happy unless he gets her (unborn) kid. Won't just save her life and weave some gold to be nice.

Another good one is The Elves and the Shoemaker. The elves help out the shoemaker, doing all of his work and making him hundreds of pairs of luxurious shoes that earn him loads of money, but the minute the shoemaker shows his gratitude by making the elves some clothes so they don't have to run around all naked the elves peace out forever. (Complete side note: this reminds me of Dobby from Harry Potter. You give a house elf some clothes and they're free to go. I'm sure it's related. End side note.) This also seems to say to kids don't acknowledge someone's kindness or else they'll up and leave you. Let others do your work for you and don't so much as say thank you. It will make you rich. But main take-away from these three stories? If you're going to do something for someone, make sure you get something out of it too. Or else don't do it. Simple as that.

4) Beware of family members. They will abandon you during walks in the woods, try to kill you or turn you over to be killed.
Some of these examples are obvious. Evil stepmother anyone? Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White all had them. I think Sleeping Beauty's was actually a mother-in-law. Either way, they all had new female additions to their family who were intimidated by their good looks and therefore hated them and wanted them dead (or in Cinderella's case, it's toned-down considerably by just making her do chores and wear rags rather than attempting murder). It's no wonder kids aren't supposed to like their step-parents. They learn it from these stories. Let's talk blood family here though. You may have thought nothing of these at the time, but you're going to look back now and be shocked that you didn't pick up on the disturbing qualities of the following stories.

Our favorite evil step mothers

Three Billy Goats Gruff. A goat's walking along and is nearly attacked when crossing a bridge. How does he save his life? By offering up his brother's. "Don't eat me. I'm too thin. My brother's coming along. He's fat. Kill him, not me." Now there's a lesson. Let your siblings fend for themselves. Feed them to the enemy and hope they can get out of it. If not, at least you're safe.

The most common theme though in terms of why you should fear your family has nothing to do with stepmothers who want you dead or siblings who will sell you out to save themselves. Instead it gets at the most primal childhood fear. Being abandoned. I'll start out soft with this one... the less offensive abandonments, if you will. Perhaps the one we're most ready to forgive is in Beauty and the Beast. Belle's father runs into the beast who basically tells him "bring me one of your daughters or else I will kill you." Because we know the story, we know the Beast's intention wasn't to kill this said daughter, but the father sure didn't know that. In his mind he would bring the Beast one of his daughters who would be killed in place of him. Yes, the father was a good guy... urged Belle not to go, etc. etc. but he still let her, expecting her to be killed. Some protective parental urges in action there.

Another one we're more likely to forgive is the woman for promising her unborn child to Rumpelstiltskin. At the time she had no idea if she would ever even have a child, and it's easier to give up something you don't have yet. Also, if she didn't agree the king would kill her. And, she tried relentlessly to not give up her child once it was born by trying to think up some ridiculous name. But still, she offered to abandon her kid to a strange little man. There's another example in Rumpelstiltskin, and that's the father who subjects his daughter to have to turn the straw into gold in the first place. He wants to impress the King so he says he has this wonderfully talented, magical daughter. That move right there would have cost him his daughter's life if Rumple Stilt Face hadn't shown up. But no matter. At least the King was impressed by him.

I already glossed over another example earlier. In Rapunzel the parents essentially just hand over their child as payment for taking the witch's radishes. Do they die before letting her go? Do they go searching for her after? Shout out in the woods for her to throw down her hair? Or do they accept that giving up their child is a fair price for some pregnant craving? That's right. Choice d.

The worst case of being abandoned though I think is in Hansel and Gretel. The family is poor and starving. So naturally the only option left is to go for a walk in the woods with the kids and then purposefully lose them. Time to celebrate, now there's only two mouths to feed rather than four! Seriously, between this and Snow White, where she's led into the woods to be killed, I would not trust going for a walk in the woods with anyone. Or at least I wouldn't let them leave to "collect firewood" without tagging them with a GPS first.

Look at us sad little German children left to die in the woods.

5) Love ugly people because odds are, they'll become handsome
Beauty and the Beast, The Frog Prince, Snow White and Rose Red... in all of these stories the ugly creature is really a prince in disguise, telling us... go ahead, love that unfortunate looking, acne prone boy with the abnormally large nose... not because he has a good heart or is fun to be around, but because he's going to surprise you and be strikingly good looking some day. Shrek and Fiona are seriously the only case where the ugly stay ugly. And that's not even a real fairy tale... it's a hollywood cartoon creation of a fairy tale that makes fun of fairy tales. In real life if you're unattractive, you more or less stay unattractive throughout your life. There are exceptions. But it's rare. Let's not lead children into a false sense of hope. The Ugly Duckling is another good case. Don't let others make fun of you for being ugly... not because you love yourself and have high self-esteem, but because some day you're going to be gorgeous and show them all! Again, a false sense of hope. The message sent here is about as far from "love others for who they are inside" as you can get. It says if you're different, you will be made fun of. And you won't become popular and well-liked until you magically become pretty. And for those who end up seeing past the unattractiveness and love someone for who they are, their reward is that their beast is transformed into a suddenly beautiful person. That's like saying we should reward someone who gives up all possessions and devotes their life to charity by giving them millions of dollars. Or maybe it's nothing like that. I don't know. I'm confusing myself. This blog is too long.

Keep thinking that's what you look like because some day it will come true! Everyone will stop hating you because you're no longer ugly! Hooray!

Literally every single story I thought of had some sort of negative lesson or theme. According to The Three Little Pigs the only way to deal with someone trying to break into your house is to kill them. The Princess and the Pea tells us to be high maintenance and rude and you'll be rewarded. (Seriously, your provided accommodations is a set of 40 luxurious mattresses and you're going to tell your host you had a bad night's sleep? Apparently her rudeness worked cause she got the prince!) Even Little Red Riding Hood which has a pretty clear cut, valid lesson (don't tell strangers where you or your relatives live if you don't want to die) has a subliminal, deeper sort of disturbing message. Steer clear of the road less traveled; conform to society and stick to "the right" path or else you'll get what's coming to you. A little dark, yes. But perhaps valid.

In summary, avoid telling fairy tales to children. They're chock full of bad lessons and are bound to lead to criminal behavior and irrational fears. I'd stick to more wholesome forms of entertainment. You know... sex toy parties, uncensored episodes of cops, strip club outings, listening to the latest Britney Spears song.... stuff like that.

In our culture people are obsessed with having the perfect figure, losing weight, staying healthy. You would be pretty hard pressed to find a single woman's magazine cover that doesn't sport the phrase (pun completely intended) "2 minutes to flatter abs!" or "15 reasons you're not losing that weight (and what to do about it!)" or "Tasty recipes that won't ruin your waistline". Basically each of these articles recycles the same tips, exercises, facts and recipes and just re-polishes them with new headlines and glossy photos to make them seem new and exciting. Seriously, don't we all know by now that many small meals a day is better than 2 or 3 large ones? That eating too late at night contributes to weight gain? That strength training will not make you look like a bodybuilder so women shouldn't shy away from it? That many hidden calories are in what you drink rather than just what you eat? That there's no such thing as "spot reducing" by targeting a specific muscle when you exercise? That watching TV during meals encourages us to eat more? (Shall I add yet another example? I could keep going... don't worry, I'll resist the urge.) Yet they package all of this up as new information and send it our way. And of course we eat it up. Once again, pun intended.

Well, I just found a bit of "new" research that threw me a bit off track. The headline of this here article was "Laughter Affects Body Like Exercise". The fact that both exercise and laughter have similar effects isn't new news.... both can reduce stress, improve blood pressure & cholesterol, strengthen the immune system, and blah blah etc., etc... It's one of those facts that magazine editors like to throw in to a couple of issues each year. Like I said, nothing new. But what caught me off guard was a particular study that they talked about in this article that was done to further "prove" that the effects of laughter are similar to those of exercise. One of these shared effects, they say, is a healthy appetite. Fine. Sounds good, right? Who can argue that a healthy appetite is, well... unhealthy? Listen to this...

They took two groups of individuals and showed each group one of two different videos, one was upsetting and the other, funny. While these groups were watching said videos they monitored levels for two hormones that affect one's appetite. The distressing video was the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan. Can't argue that that's not distressing. Funny video was stand up comedy. Stand up may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it's certainly funnier than Saving Private Ryan. End result? The hormone levels of the people who watched the funny video changed as if they had participated in moderate exercise... translation: they were hungrier. So they're saying that one of the health benefits of laughing is that it makes you want to eat. Does this strike you as funny? Laughter is similar to exercise in that it makes you hungrier.... meaning you will probably eat more... and there's a good chance you're not going to reach for carrot sticks or soy nuts when taking in a funny movie.

Personally, while I know that yes, muscle weighs more than fat (another favorite fact of magazine folk), I think the main reason I gained weight rather than losing it when I was working out more regularly wasn't because I was gaining muscle... it was because I was starving after each time I exercised. And so I ate. Sure, I ate relatively healthy (after my gym trips I'd make my way to Subway to eat fresh, Jared style), but I ate SO much more food when I exercised often. I'm not arguing that exercising is a bad decision... just one that will probably lead to weight gain (so, naturally, it should be avoided at all costs. hah). But in all seriousness, isn't it slightly amusing that this study says a common benefit of laughter and exercise is that it makes you WANT TO EAT?

So, a closing word of advice... if you hate exercising, just try laughing 20 minutes a day rather than jogging. The benefits are the same. But when you take in this good dose of laughter beware of the salt and vinegar chip craving. I'd avoid Subway too. In fact, it might be easier to just avoid exercise and laughter altogether. Yeah, go with that.

 These women like to laugh between sets. After their exercise
they're going to Olive Garden for the bottomless pasta bowl.
That laughter cost their bodies at least 2 extra bread sticks.

I consider myself a lucky person. No, I'm not one of those people you'd look at and constantly think "man, why does she get all the luck?" and no, overly fantastical things do not seek me out or seemingly fall in my lap. As a matter of fact, they don't even make my acquaintance all that often. I have a pretty average life. When I say I consider myself a lucky person I merely imply that I have the necessities, and that in and of itself is lucky. I have people who care about me who I care about back. I know what I love and I'm able to make these things part of my life. That right there is luck.

When I was thinking about this earlier today I came across an odd realization. I owe a big thank you to Coin Operated Boy by the Dresden Dolls and another big thank you to A Chorus Line. That may sound silly, but I am being completely sincere. Both have impacted my life in huge ways in the past 3 years alone... they have given me the two things I previously mentioned as being lucky for having. Still may sound silly. Relax, I'll explain. 

Let's do the Coin Boy reference first. If you don't know the song it's a sort of playful, dark cabaret sounding ordeal that one might say has overtones of loneliness and a desire for a relationship with lots of (physical) affection without the chance of getting hurt... but one is more likely to say it cleverly (though not subtly) talks about a sex toy. My college roommate introduced me to the song and I ended up choreographing to it my junior year. Choreographing a dance to such a musically creative song, in my mind, gave me permission to really play with the movement. Although I had done choreography before, this unique way of looking at dance and creating this piece made me absolutely fall in love with choreographing and helped me find my own style and choreographic voice. Today, anyone who knows me will probably tell you that musical theatre is my first love, but choreography is a close second. I credit that passion for choreography entirely to the process of having created a dance to Coin Boy. I affectionately call the dance "my baby" and know it's what ignited my passion. Without that experience, who knows if I would have ever developed this love for choreography, if I would have ever found my style. But the song did more than open me up to the joys of choreogrpahing. It completely, single-handedly changed my taste in music.

Dresden Dolls in Coin Operated Boy

Pre-Coin Boy, as I like to call the phase (totally kidding) my musical listening included pretty much two things: 1) Broadway soundtracks, and 2) Turning on the radio, station flipping for 10 minutes, getting frustrated that nothing appealed to me, and turning off the radio. I always enjoyed music pretty much entirely because I enjoyed musicals and singing. I was not a "music fan". Coin Boy (as I have affectionately nicknamed the song) completely opened my eyes as to what music could be. The song has a completely inventive use of instruments (or ordinary objects as instruments) along with drastic changes in dynamics, melody, vocal tonality, etc. It made me eager to find as much music like it as possible. With the assistance of pandora and similar sites I soon found several other "dark cabaret" artists and eventually the list expanded to include folk artists, indie rock artists and singer/songwriter types with only one thing in common: they were all very different from what you normally hear. The one song opened me up to a whole world of creative musicians and artists with new, different sounds that often borrow from old influences (one of my favorite artists describes her sound as "modern ragtime"). I love two things especially in music: 1) When lots of different instruments are used. I'm big on heavy percussive beats and equally big on violins/classical piano used in unexpected ways. Though toy pianos, washboards and the sounds of paper being shredded work too. 2) When there are big changes in the song... from slow to uptempo, calm to frantic, major to minor, whatever it is, so long as it's drastic. I now have a solid musical preference and quality I look for in new artists, when before there was no type of music I claimed to be "my music". Now "new music searching" is somewhat of an obsession of mine. Coin Boy not only brought me to my love of choreography, it is the reason I was able to find music that I love.

On to Chorus Line. Where to begin. I'll premise by saying I don't even like the show all that much. Yet, it has managed to have a major impact on me and keeps creeping into my life. I've done the show three times. Read, still don't like the show all that much. Why do it three times then? First off, I like shows with lots of parts... lots of parts means I'm more likely to get one. Secondly, I like shows where some of the main people are dancers... only because I'm so often looked at as "just a dancer" and therefore given a part in the ensemble. I joke around and say I have "the dancer's curse"... once I was offered a dancing role after doing the dance part of an audition, before I had even sung. Even though I was hoping for one of the other roles I was immediately labeled "a dancer". Chorus Line was always the one show for me that I thought I have a decent shot of being something more. I mean, they all have to dance. The only time I was ever given legit parts in shows was after a director had worked with me and decided I was capable of more than just dancing. So even though I never liked the show all that much, I had a strong desire to be in it. Little did I know the opportunity would arise for me to do the show three times in two years. Nor did I know how much each time would impact me.

A Chorus Line

First time, senior year of college. Can't believe I actually have the chance to be in this show. Audition for Cassie, heart set on it. First time in my life I get the role I wanted, rather than my "other choice". I think it was the combination of achieving that, and with this particular show, that had such an effect on me. I became so attached to the role that it killed me to have the show end. I broke down on stage in the middle of my number. I still get this odd feeling whenever I see other women play Cassie. I said then, and I still believe, that I will never be as attached to a role as I was to Cassie. I believe I (somewhat stupidly, through tears) said at the time that that was my moment. That was it. Even if I were to some day "make it", nothing would ever compare to how I felt the first time I was Cassie. Sounds silly I'm sure. But I can't describe how strongly that role affected me.

Second time I did the show had a big impact in two ways. First and perhaps most importantly, it got me involved in theatre again. Before college I did one show a year, if that. During my four years of college I only did the one show. I had pretty much accepted that after college I probably wouldn't be performing again. Or if I did, it would not be happening on any sort of "normal" basis. Maybe every few years something would come up. That's pretty much all I expected. Well, a year or so after graduating I decided on a complete whim to type "Chorus Line CT audition" into google and see if anything came up. I was surprised to see an audition listed for a community theatre group that would be doing the show that summer. I took it as a sign and went to audition. From this experience I found out about all other theatre groups in the state and since that Chorus Line audition less than a year ago I have performed in 6 shows-- more than I had done ever done in my life combined prior, and all in one year. All because I decided to do a little google search on the show, and a group happened to be doing it that summer, I ended up immersed in performing again. Doing what I love. And a lot of it. Here comes other big impact of this particular production-- I found myself incredibly humbled. Like I said, it's the one show I always saw myself as having a chance in... a chance to be more than "just a dancer". Well, what happened? I was cast as Zach's assistant... arguably the only role in the show where you had to be a good dancer and that was it... zero singing, very few lines. Here it was, the one show that I always aspired to be in because I could avoid the dancers curse and I had managed to get a dancing only role. This, combined with the fact that I had so recently just finished playing Cassie, a role I was so attached to and was no longer associated with, took a huge emotional toll on me. Being in that production was incredibly difficult for me. I felt childish the entire time that I got so upset throughout the process of rehearsals. I felt awful and even worse, felt guilty for feeling that way. Yet by the end of it all I had come to terms with everything and I left the experience grateful for its effect on me and with how much I had learned about myself.

Third time I did the show was literally about a month later. I decided I would try to get one of the roles I had so desperately hoped for the previous time. This time I was successful and got to play Kristine. While performing it was a lot of fun, the real impact the show had on me this third time around was not the show itself but in who I met. We didn't really start talking until two months after the show closed, but the guy who played my husband and I are now dating and I'm happier than I've been in a very long time.

So look, Chorus Line gave me my ultimate performing dream role experience, a summer filled with major humbling slash learning and growing, brought theatre back into my life in a huge way and gave me a great guy. And Coin Boy ignited my love of choreography and helped me discover my musical taste. So like I said, a big thanks to Chorus Line and Coin Boy!